Also in this issue:

The Victims: In March 1998, the British had the healthiest pension system in Europe. The pay as you go (PAYG) system was supplemented by the largest private funds per head of population anywhere in the World. The Government would not have to dole out anywhere near as much in future to supplement the elderly. The fitness of this system was expected to help Britain survive the forthcoming 'explosion' of the so-called 'Demographic Bomb'.
By the summer of 2003, it was obvious that the private pension funds were increasingly frail. They can no longer support the future elderly and financial doctors agreed that death has occurred and that any movement is due to the muscle twitches that accompany rigor mortis.
The second victim was a young lady called Prudence. She

was born in 1997 and died in 2002.

How They Died: Both victims showed signs of asphyxiation. There was a continuous bruise around the throat of Prudence and haemorrhaging in the lungs of both victims. The pathologist concluded that Prudence had been garrotted with a loosened belt and that Pensions had been poisoned over a six year period with a pneumotoxin called Snatchius Dividendus.

Depleted Pensions
in Section: Elderly

Bush State Visit
in Section: Politics

We Love Liverpool
in Section: Holiday

Humour Galore
in Section: Joke Corner

The Prime Suspect: The police are looking for a male aged around 52 with brown hair, brown eyes and a Brown name. He has been seen in London - particularly the areas around the Mansion House, Parliament, Whitehall and Downing Street - and eastern Dunfermline.