Former Minister Clare Short is said to be 'heartbroken' after her husband V. Short moved for a divorce.  "She is an egomaniac obsessed with her place in history", said V.

          "Exclusive breastfeeding provides all the nutrients a baby needs".  That was the message from the Department of Health on 12/05/03.  A survey of babies commissioned by TWTWTW found 99% of respondents agreeing with the central message.

          DAILY MAIL, LONDON: HOME SECRETARY David Blunkett has told the United Nations that all borders should be closed to prevent an imminent terrorist attack.  According to British intelligence, said Blunkett, Al Quaida are planning a Summer of "nightmare proportions".  The intelligence source is believed to be a prodigy child with a GCSE in Defence Studies.
          The warning came mere hours after a DEVASTATING terror attack where a suicide bomber blew himself up and took a community of frogs with him.  French President Jacques CheerIraq said he was glad it was only amphibians this time, but warned that next time it could be much worse.
          The proposed blunkett ban on all immigration has angered some refugee groups.  Oskar Schindler of the Refugee Council accused the Home Secretary of playing the race card.  "Why is Mr Blunkett blind to the reality of immigrants' needs?  Why can't he see that refugees need our sympathy?" asked Schindler.  Mr Blunkett was unavailable for comment but a spokesman for his dog said he was very attracted to Mr Schindler's leg.

          Meanwhile in America, President George W. Bush has blamed Al Quaida for yesterday's forest fire in North Dakota.  "The terrorisss have struck again at the heart of America", a weeping Bush told journalists.  "They've attacked our cities, polluted our air with Ebola, and now they burn our trees.  Rest assured the War On Terror will not cease".