Issue 15

SECTION: POLITICS

Welcome to the ASYLUM

system.  "We are using every security means at our disposal to track and jail Bogus Illegal Immigrants", said Home Office Minister Beverly Hughes.  "Asylum seekers must learn this: We Are Watching You".
          Meanwhile contributors to a thread on the
Guardian's talk website have called for reform of the immigration policy, arguing that our Country could afford a few more aliens to help with the jobs we love to hate.  "We need more cleaners, more take-away restaurants, and people to walk our dogs.  I already own a couple of immigrants but could do with a few more", stated contributor Acne147.  But in accordance with the Government's employment strategy, 'British Jobs for British Boys', David Blunkett said, "No, that's what students are for".

SECTION: DISASTERS

SECTION: NEWS IN BRIEF

You're a Tosser, 118

Heatwave Didn't Kill 900

SECTION: JOKE CORNER

The Prisoner