The Spirit of Diana Lives On

What on earth is going on with the Windsors?  Are they really a murderous gay mafia?  Or is the spirit of Diana clouding our judgements?  Eager to get to the truth, TWTWTW's Italian
Correspondent Enrico Inglesias reads from La Repubblica and tells us what in Britain is BANNED!  We apologise for his sloppy English.

The megaphone of the Windsor takes part on a subject of gossip and the prince refutes one love story with the butler.  Charles: "Now enough they are not gay" from ours correspondent ENRICO FRANCESCHINI
LONDON - Whichever thing is, Prince Charles says that it has not made it. It will remain more in annals of Buckingham Palace like the refutation bizzarra than all the times: "I want to assert frankly", ago to know the heir to the throne through its secretary, "than circulated chiacchiere recently regard me, but they are completely false".  It will remain more in the annals of Prince Charles' servant or is that anals?
What says in concrete that to chiacchiere, Charles not if it feels to tell it; and up to now the average local has not been able to speak of revelations because of the strict British law on the defamation. But it is a history that circulates the same one for a long time, on Internet, and in the references of the English newspapers to that the foreign press

writes.
Well, hour is coming to the light, is pure in oblique way: it is said in fact (presumed) sinner, not the sin, but enough the same one in order to understand nearly all. We reassume. First action: in 1995, George Smith, valletto of prince Diana, reveals to them of to have been stuprato two times from a dependent of court and of then to have seen the sodomita one to bed with Prince Charles.  Smith opens the door of a room and discovers one of the Windsor under the sheet, between the arms of its violentatore.
But who is the prince (the Filippo old? Charles? one of its smaller siblings, Andrea or Edoardo) and which servitore of it he shares the bed? Nobody says it.
According to action the other day, an authoritative daily paper, the Guardian, is prepared to reveal the name of the servitore of real palace to the center of one new, rough deposition of George Smith. The court, upon request of the servitore anonymous person (that he hires the most expensive lawyers of the Reign), prohibits the publication.
The Guardian makes appeal, wins and the name jumps outside. E' Michael Fawcett, for years butler of Charles. Chi-ci-chi-ci with Charles and Fawcett.  Or was it Camilla for she look like a mano?  Between Charles and Fawcett, according to Diana, much strait was a relationship: perhaps too much. In an other, ennesima video cassette, the prince would

have declared that Fawcett arrived to the point of "spalmare the tooth-paste on the small brush" of Charles, than the two had "an unhealthy" relation, "excessive intimate", that they were "to uneasiness" if surprises with single. The prince suspected, insomma, than its husband and the servant homosexual relation had one.
It can are given that the entire narration is false, and that the monito one second which this vicissitude would make "to collapse the monarchy" it is a typical esagerazione of the scandalistica press. It must notice, but, than yesterday if the rispettabili daily paper are occupied some also, and in first page. It will not even be true that it is in order to fall the monarchy. But, with the future forced king to refute to go to bed with its preferred servant, the crown does not seem to enjoy optimal health.

(8 November 2003)

The Maastricht Treaty established the Euro back in 1992. John Major negotiated an opt-out for Britain, the Danes rejected it in a referendum and the Greeks did not qualify on the grounds of being an economic basket case. Later, the Swedes joined the EU and decided to stay out of it too.
One of the sticking points during the negotiations was that the Germans were worried that excessive borrowing by certain governments - they meant Italy but were too diplomatic to say so - would undermine the stability of the new currency. The Germans therefore insisted that a "Stability and Growth Pact" be added. This pact laid down a rule that governments should not run a budget deficit of more than 3% of GDP except when GDP shrank by more than 2% in a year. Not a bad idea really.
This pact was then taken into the realms of the ludicrous. Should the rule be broken, the government would be fined a certain percentage  of GDP which would increase the deficit even more.

It is noticeable that the Greeks did not actually improve from basket category but were allowed to join anyway a year after the first group of 11 countries.
Since that time, no Eurozone country has had their GDP shrink by more than 0.5% in any year.
In 2001, Portugal ran a budget deficit of 2.9% and the EU Commission duly issued a warning that any further deterioration would be cause for a fine.
In 2002, the French ran a budget deficit of 3.1% and the fine was not levied. A warning was given but M. Chirac shrugged it off saying that France would not be dictated to.
Also in 2002, Germany itself ran a budget deficit of 3.4%. The economy was actually growing very slowly but they were not even warned.
So we have this rule that was meant to apply to all the countries that adopted the Euro that obviously applies only to smaller, poorer members such as Portugal. It can be ignored by large, rich countries such as France and doesn't apply to the biggest richest member who actually insisted on it in

the first place. The first - and hopefully last - EuroJanus award therefore goes to the Germans!

Sue Denim talks to Iain Duncan Smith, former Tory Leader.

SD:  Welcome Iain Duncan Smith to the TWTWTW coffee shop here in Amsterdam.  Are you enjoying your break since you lost your leadership of the Conservative Party?
IDS:  Christ, yeah.  I'm absolutely smashed out of my skull.  I keep seeing white elephants.
SD:  So the memory of the Tory Party is playing on your mind.  To coin a common phrase, "How did it feel?" - when you lost the Tory Command?
IDS:  It was my personal September 11^th.  I felt exactly like those that lost loved ones on that dreadful day.  I'd lost my partner of two years - the Conservative Party.  It was a bitter blow, but I'll recover, the Party will recover, and the Country will recover.
SD:  In fact we've all recovered quite quickly.  Does it stun you that the Tories have now risen in the polls under the leadership of Michael Howard?
IDS:  Well it's all due to my policy agenda.  I have foreseen this.  Never underestimate the power of the dark side, sorry I mean, 'the determination of a quiet man'.
SD:  Do you think Michael Howard will make a good Prime Minister?
IDS:  Hahahaha, cough, splutter.  {IDS splurts out his coffee}  To be honest, Sue, we haven't got a hope in hell of winning the next election. 

Although the New Labour bubble may have burst, the alternatives, if you can call them that, appear even less credible.  New Labour now appears as a Dark Force whereas previously it looked like the vanquisher of darkness.  But we are still associated with the Darkness, and although I believe in a thing called love, we're all doomed.  New Labour is likely to continue for the foreseeable future but without any passion attached to it.  Meanwhile the Conservatives are doing another 'listening to Britain' crusade, attempting to alter our image like a criminal seeking penance.  It might work.  We might eventually then get a term in office.  But so what?  It's not politics anymore, it's just who can seem like a good manager at the right time.  My money's on Gordon Brown as the next Premier, especially since he had that kid thing.
SD:  Yes I suppose the big questions

are 'do we really care?' and 'who gives a toss?'  But it's strange that it's come to this, isn't it.  A former Tory leader now admits that Conservatism is a dead ideology, that it's now a competition between who's best suited in balancing the books and clamping down on antisocial behaviour.
IDS:  Well that always was Conservative ideology.  But New Labour have now beaten us at whose the best, or worst, bastard.  It's little wonder the whole thing is perceived as a dark conspiracy.
SD:  But truthfully it's not a conspiracy, is it.  It's the demise of any contest of ideas.  And without any substantive disagreements, it's a thoroughly anti-democratic period.  How apt then that Michael Howard is likely to be crowned Tory leader without there even being an election!  That's all we have time for, bye bye IDS.

Clearly this is a risky time of year.  With the clocks having gone back an hour, some warned that the early dusk might cause children to be run over.  But then the lighter mornings stop them dying early in the day.  The poor children then had to suffer a Halloween without the traditional fun and frolics of bombing people's houses with eggs as supermarkets banned the sale of said products to anyone under sixteen.  Being scared shitless by witches, warlocks, vampires, ghouls, ghosts, zombies, and werewolves gave way to being scared shitless by the Health and Safety Industry.  Police forces issued people with posters saying "Please do not trick or treat here" and urged parents to either stop their children going out or at least accompany them.  Parents in Jersey were told they would face prosecution if their children misbehaved on Halloween whilst a Welsh 12 year old was attacked by two people in Halloween costumes and suffered a broken hip.
Some claimed that Halloween is an excuse for institutionalised begging whilst in the USA, it was reported that the festivity has declined in popularity since September 11^th

because of fears of razor blades hidden in apples and candy laced with anthrax.  Obviously an Islamic Fundamentalist could dress up in costume and no-one would be able to spot them.  Effectively Halloween would become true.  Meanwhile it was proposed that people use specially designed cutters to carve pumpkins instead of dangerous knives.  These cutters are designed to harm only pumpkins and not human flesh, and because of their high level of technology, cost £250 from the Shitola Safety Products Range.
Having survived Halloween, it was then merely days until the next annual Risk Awareness Campaign known as Bonfire Night.  There were the usual warnings about not setting light to hedgehogs/your pets/small children, holding sparklers at arms length (blah blah), and not standing over rockets to check they're properly lit (d'oh!).  The general advice was not to buy any fireworks at all, and instead go to a properly organised display, preferably one organised by the Liberal Democrat Youth Division in association with the Scouts.  However Norwich Union warned that there were more burglaries on November 5^th than on any other day of the year, and so it was better not to go out at all.  The conclusion then was to stay in and watch fireworks on TV.  Not that you could do this in America.  Since September 11^th, fireworks have declined in popularity because it reminds people of that awful, fateful day that seems to have determined the shape of society ever since.
Having had an extremely boring

Halloween/Guy Fawkes Night, attention then turned to how we can dullify what is already the dullest annual event - Remembrance Sunday.  Not much risk here, you'd think, but the High Priests of the Safety Cult decided that wearing poppies is a dangerous activity.  Apparently one in four of us is rushed to hospital after pricking ourselves with the pins.  The Right, however, have said we should deliberately prick ourselves to truly experience the horror of those that suffered in the war.   But this idea is surely poppycock, and emanates from a prick.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.  He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him.  She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Edna the news he said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.  The bad news is, Jim the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom.  I am so sorry, but he's dead.
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

Q: How many Matrix fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: There is no lightbulb...

Monday:
Today dad was trying to do a puzzle of a tiger. An hour later he was still trying, until Uncle Alex came round and told him to put the Frosties back in the box.